Let me be your rock ?
by mother-of-two
Summary: A one shot describing how Bella' emotions lead her to an emotional breakdown, can Edward help her through it?


**Let me be your rock**

**A/N:** Hi, this is my first fan fiction..... I got it the idea of this one shot while I was taking a shower... I even perfomed it to myself, _(I'm not crazy but I do talk to myself in the shower sometimes). _Please read and review, so if you liked it, I would go for a whole story.

**Disclaimer:** _I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters... But I do own Edward... Eat your heart out girls!!_

**Bella's emotional breakdown, can Edward pull her through it..**

----------------------------------------------------

Love is a bliss, a gift from heaven. To fall in love is a miracle from God, but to love and be loved is far, far more incredible. To be loved by a person like Edward is an unexplainable feeling, not out of confusion, but because it is very difficult to describe such a love. It's a never ending ecstasy. It's like feeling whole after being in pieces.

I too love Edward with a love too big, too big for me to describe, a love that could be distributed among the whole world and I would still have more.

But in these past few months, with one month till my wedding, I've been wanting more, more of Edward, I wanted to make him claim me as my own. Each day I get closer and closer to combusting, I wanted him to make love to me. Part of it was teenage lust but the biggest part of it was that I LOVE THIS MAN TO PIECES AND HE IS MINE, ALL OF HIM IS MINE, just as I wanted HIS venom to change me.

I was staying over a lot at the Cullins these days, all of Alice's planning so it that I would be under her mercy at all times to go shopping and dress fitting. Don't get me wrong, I love Alice, I love her to death and, although sometimes she really annoys me when she goes overboard with stuff, but I don't blame her. I'm the weird one here. I'm the one who thinks of shopping and buying clothes as a disaster, I mean _normal 18 year old girls love it._

So after a long day spent on shopping for shoes (a pair for each one of the thousand outfits she bought me), I just headed straight for a long shower, using the bathroom near Edward's room. It was July and the weather was hot and sticky, but my body still couldn't handle freezing cold water, I like warm water in Summer. I just finished washing my hair and my thoughts just drifted as the warm water relaxed my muscles bit by bit.

In one month I would be Mrs. Isabella Cullen… Isabella Masen Cullen. I kept marveling about the beauty of my marriage name, I would be Edward's wife and his forever, and most of all he's going to grant my only wish, at least he promised he would.

Drowned in my thoughts, I felt a faint breeze, then all of a sudden he was there, infront of me !!!....

The shower cabinet was made of non transparent glass slide doors that covered you from your neck down so I was face to face with a very tense, buzzed, confused fiancé. I jumped back so hard that I nearly slipped into the tub.

"Edward, what are you doing in here?!!" my voice was full of surprise, anger, and excitement, all at the same time.

He spoke after what seemed like seconds, very slow for a vampire, "eh.. I.. I'm sorry Bella, please don't get this the wrong way but…",

Oh god !!! I would be very happy to get it the wrong way, in fact I would give anything for it to be the WRONG WAY. Wait, what am I thinking, no of course not, I wouldn't want it to be like that, Edward isn't that kind of guy.

"Bella, I wish you could be able to comprehend what I did just now, you know I've been kind of over protective when it came to you. I feel that every precious second of your life is threatened, by me, by my family, by my kind, the Volturi, even by yourself sometimes. It scares me, it eats at me to think that all it could take is one second, just one second when I leave you alone or let my guard down, one second could take you away from me…. Bella, now that at last, after all we've been through, and when you've finally agreed to marry me and be with me forever, and with our wedding only mere days away, I get more tense, more afraid for you, more careful, I just can't bare to have you out of my sight for one minute, so deal with it".

Oh god and heaven and earth, I can't believe that any person, human or non human could hold so much love for another person, this is not normal, not real, I nearly fainted from the emotion I felt, but being the person that I am, all I could reply with was, "Edward please, I don't want you to be like this, it's not like anybody's gonna crash through the wall and grab me".

He just looked into my eyes with so much passion, "Bella, please just finish your shower, take your time and when you're done, I'll hand you a towel and your clothes and wait for you outside the door".

You know, any other girl would have thought, "god, my boyfriend has snapped", but this is Edward, I know exactly how he feels, because I feel the same way. All this love and happy ending that I'm getting is too good for me, something has to happen.

So I gave in and decided to go on with my shower, and Edward finally relaxed and sat on the covered toilet seat. I tried so hard to pretend he wasn't there and remembered that I still haven't washed my body, so I picked up my soft sponge and poured some of my shower gel on it and began to lather myself. I love the smell of my shower gel, coconut and orange, its aroma filled the bathroom. I looked at Edward and he smiled at me, I knew he loved the smell. I turned my back to him because I just couldn't look him in the eyes, it was far too embarrassing, and also because I was thinking of a lot of indecent thoughts just then, and with every second I felt myself flush and my body turning red, so I turned off the hot water tap and the water turned ice cold so I swarmed my flushed body under the freezing water hoping it would help me a little, but I gasped as it hit my body.

At an instant Edward almost crashed in the slide door, "What is it Bella"?

"Nothing, I just needed some cold water, it's a little overheated in here".

He shot me a puzzled look, and I just stared into his eyes for a long time…. He stared into mine, then put both his hands on the barrier between us, his eyes looked like they could see through the glass, see me. Is he shaking!! He looked like he couldn't contain himself any longer. The topaz in his eyes turned into dark gold for a second but not for long. He was fighting it real hard, I felt that he would at any moment crash through the cabinet and..…Oh how I wish he would do that, how I wish he would be able to read my mind right now, to know what I'm feeling right now, that I need him right now, now, NOW!!!

I felt my eyes welling up with tears. Oh god, why am I so weak, why am I so stupid and lame, why can't I be bold and do just what I feel like doing….If I were any other girl now I would have………….

"Why are you crying my love?" Edward looked so pained and puzzled.

I felt my tears turn to anger and frustration, but my voice sounded so weak "Edward, get out please, I- I can't have you in here with me now…. you… like this….. The cold water isn't helping anymore.

I think he kind of understood, he got up and looked at the floor as if he were ashamed, then he looked into my eyes, I swear I saw a glimpse of tears in there.

"As you wish". I'll hang your towel and clothes by the door, don't take too long, I'll miss you".

As soon as he got out of the bathroom, I turned off the water, dried myself and put my clothes on. Just a simple cotton loose dress. Thank god I chose this dress because I hate getting dressed in the bathroom, and anything else would be too complicated to put on in there, and I didn't want to take my chances, walking out draped in a towel, after what just happened.

I don't know what happened, what came over me, it was like a ton of emotions had just washed over me and I had to get them out or I'll explode. I didn't go to his room, I didn't want to face him when I was being so vulnerable. I also felt so ashamed of myself for no reason, ashamed of what I was feeling, of what I wanted. I want him so badly, but, did he want me as much as I want him, I've asked myself the same question over and over, asked him also, and every time I get the same answer, my safety, my god damned safety, THE HELL WITH IT !!!! Does he ever fantasize about me every night like I do about him, does he ever dream of just grabbing me and making love to me with all the passion in his heart, does he feel the scorching flames every time we touch, every time we kiss, the agony, the frustration….. and there I was right infront of him naked and nothing separating us, why didn't he take advantage of that!!!!! AM I the only one on fire here or does he have those feelings too. I have to know, I have to have straight answers, it's not fair, so so not FAIR!!!!!

I was so angry, with myself, angry with him. I ran towards his room, stormed through the door, and there he was waiting for me, greeting me with a smile that melted me, everything in me melted, my anger, my agony, my tears….

The tears turned into sobs, I suddenly felt myself drowning in his arms, surrounded by his astonishing scent.

"Bella, Bella, what is it!!!! Are you hurt, tell me right now, what's wrong"?!!! His face looked horrified, angry, confused, I was starting to shake, I was on the edge of hysteria.

"Bella"!!!!!! His voice was choking with sobs too now.

"Nothing Edward, nothing, I'm just having a moment", was all I could say.

"Don't mock me Bella, it's true that I can't read your mind but I can see, feel, that you're hurt, hurting, what is it my love?"

I was paralyzed, unable to speak, because if I spoke I would hurt him, all I could do is hold him tighter with all my strength, squeeze myself into him with all my might.

"Bella, you're my life, my love, my destiny, my one and only priority. You are my rock, Bella, I always turn to you, I always confide in you, I always bury my worries in your arms. Bella, what I want to tell you is that you can tell me anything, you can throw all your troubles and agonies at me and I will be there, I will always be there for you…. Bella, let me be your rock.

"It's, it's just that… it's you… me… us". He didn't talk, he wanted to give me a chance to get it all out, he just held me tighter, supporting me to go on. Oh how I love you Edward, you out of century loving scared vampire.

I sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm myself, and pulled him to sit beside me, then I took his hand into mine and looked deep into his eyes... I wasn't afraid anymore.

"Edward…. I want you to know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life, more than myself actually. When I look into your eyes, I see a wonderful beautiful forever. I have the most beautiful person in the world… Beautiful in heart, and in face. My love for you grows day by day, and as it grows inside of me, it tortures me….Edward, I need to interpret my love to you, I need to show you how much I love you, it just hurts so much!!!" I don't know if he didn't understand what I'm trying to say or if he did but pretended not to.

"Bella, you don't have to prove anything to me, I know and feel what is inside of you, because I feel the same inside of me too, but a thousand times more, you don't have to worry about anything.. You have my heart, my soul, my love.

THAT did it…

"NO!!! you don't know what's happening to me. Edward…. I want your heart, your soul, and I WANT YOU, I want all of you"!!!

Shute, did I just say that!!! Oh oh oh !!! There's no way back now… he was looking at me with his eyes wide open in astonishment.

"Edward… I can't help the way that I feel. I want you so much I'm about to burst. When you came into the bathroom a while ago… You were there right infront of me, and I lost it, I couldn't help wanting you so much, I couldn't stand it anymore. I started thinking about embarrassing stuff…….Edward, I wanted to invite you to join me… Yes, that's what I wanted, I wanted you to crash through that door and make love to me right there, and I know you wanted it to"!!!

"But I couldn't Edward. You know any girl would have known how to act in this situation, any other girl would have known how to seduce her man, and it would have been so easy to do, but me I couldn't, because I felt so ashamed of my feelings, of my want for you. Because I knew you would never allow it!!! You're too afraid of hurting me… Too concerned for my safety. You wanna know what I think… what I feel. I don't care about my life or my safety, I don't care if I die in your arms Edward, by your own hands, I don't care if you crush me to death by accident, or drink my blood, because it would be the most pleasant death for me"!!!

With that I began sobbing again, now that I've got it all out. I don't care what he thinks of me now.…A lustful teenager with raging hormones… yes, that's what he'll think.

I then felt his hand stroking my hair with the lightest touch, his voice trembling as he whispered my name...

"Bella"…

I looked into his eyes and my voice came out as an agonized whisper,

"Edward, don't you want me… don't you desire me as much as I desire you.

Right then, in less than a second, I was on his back, and we jumped out the window. He was running, but with more speed than he ever ran before with me on his back. I had my eyes closed and my arms around his neck, but I could feel his tension so clearly. I couldn't say anything… he didn't say anything.

Suddenly we stopped…. I opened my eyes…. We were in our meadow.

Edward took me off his back so gently and held me so that I was facing him. I was scared and ashamed to look into his eyes.

"Look at me Bella"… his voice was so gentle…so reassuring. I looked up and stared into his eyes, and he was smiling my favorite smile, the smile that made me forget my name.

He sat down on the grass and pulled me to sit beside him and took hold of my hand and placed it on where his heart should be.

"Bella, I'm not angry with you, nor could I ever be. I'm just so upset with myself, that I am the cause of all your troubles… That my nature has put this obstacle between us.

Bella my love, I feel your suffering, your agony, and believe me when I tell you that I'm suffering as much as you do, even more.

Believe me when I tell you that I would give anything to just hold you right now like I would want to hold you.. Hold you so tight until we melt into one, and never let go of you.

Believe me when I say that I fantasize about you every second of the day and night…. That every move you make or anything you do drives me crazy….That all the time I'm with you, I stop myself dozens of times from grabbing you and claiming you as my own.

Believe me when I tell you that every time we touch, I die a thousand deaths and that I try so hard to back away before I lose control.

Believe me when I tell you that the pain I felt when Jane was burning me with her mind was nothing compared to the pain I'm feeling from wanting you so badly…..

Bella, believe me when I also say that as much as I want this, it terrifies me to think about it. If something was to happen to you, I don't know what I would do, what is there more to do than end my life.

But I also promised you that we will try…after the wedding, and I intend to keep my promise… and I don't want to say that I'm looking forward to it because that makes me feel like a hard-hearted selfish sadistic monster.

"Bella, say something… please".

I couldn't speak…. I couldn't think…. All I could do was hold his magnificent face and rest his head on my heart, and we just sat there, not moving for a long time.

-------------------------------------------------------


End file.
